Letter #1 Cathy to Adam
Dear Adam,
It is no use. Our love affair has gone too far as it is. It must end----we must end it. Was it not you who said “If it were not for previous commitments”...? Well, my love, we have previous commitments and so I urge you, nay beg you to return my heart and let me go.
When you agreed to bring me out East to settle Daddy’s estate Britt and I thought everything was normal. Britt and I were engaged and you and Nicole were engaged and you were Britt’s best friend. But then all this happened and now I’m starting to wonder how normal such a decision was. It seemed logical at first. I had business in New England and so did you. Britt did not want me to travel alone so he urged me to go with you. But then we fell in love and I want to know. Aren’t you still Britt’s friend, Adam? Aren’t you the man he asked to be best man at our wedding? How will you explain this to Britt, Adam? And will you explain it to Britt? And what about Nicole? She, too, is looking forward eagerly to your wedding.
I could not tell Britt, Adam. He was looking forward to this wedding------looking forward to it very much. We had planned so long and so happily, and you were with us very step of the way just as we were with you and Nicole. We never fell in love, then. So why now, Adam, WHY? Just when everything was going so well...Daddy’s estate is settled and I can return home to Britt and my wedding. Only I can’t. Because last night you kissed me and suddenly my world was all mixed up.
Why did you kiss me, Adam? Was i just another girl that caught your fancy and had a good figure and a lovely face? Or was there something more, something deeper?
You’re not like Britt, Adam. You’re educated, cultured and refined. Britt is a harsh outdoor man with a deep love for nature and for me. We were happy. I think we would have been happy forever if it were not for last night.
What more can I say? I love you, Adam, but I am willing to give you up----give you back to Nicole, if you will give me back to Britt. I love you, Adam, so very, very much.
Cathy Charles
Letter #2 Adam to Cathy
Dear Cathy,
There is no use to plead. I know how far our love affair has gone but I want it, you want it, we want it. I cannot return your heart when it is you who so holds mine.
Cathy, I love you. That is what this whole thing becomes. And even if I am Britt’s best friend can you deny me the right to love who I want. It is you I love---not Nicole---who is your best friend and maid of honor. Will you explain this to Nicole?
If Britt was looking forward to your wedding think of Nicole. After all you two went shopping for gowns together. Are you going to tell Nicole that you have fallen in love with her fiancé? I don’t think you will. I know I can’t. Nicole is a very sweet girl and I would not want to hurt her for the world. You told me how different I was from Britt, well let me tell you how different you are from Nicole and why I think we made an early mistake.
They say opposites attract and they certainly do. Maybe that’s why Britt and I became such close friends. But whatever it was between him and me, you too were attracted to a man so different from you it would be like comparing day and night. You, my love, are gorgeous, charming, angelic, enchanting. Need I go on? I told you all this last night when I professed my love to you. Nicole on the other hand is a nice girl. Pretty, an excellent dancer and a good girl. But she adds no spark, no fun. You give me all I ask for and more and that is why I love you so much.
Why did I kiss you? Because I love you. Not to mention the moonlight shone in your hair and ran his moonbeams over your lovely face and suddenly I knew. I knew why I have become more moody as my wedding drew nearer. Nicole said that it was just me but it was not and I knew it but I could not place my finger on why I was becoming even more withdrawn. Now I know. Nicole is not the girl for me. You are and there is no hope left for me. You have shown me how wrong I was in deciding to marry Nicole and I hope we can fix our mistake before it is too late.
Even if you chose to take back your heart, Cathy, and return to Britt I will never be able, in good conscience, to return to Nicole. I would rather be forever single knowing that I truly loved once than spend the rest of my life with a woman I do not love---watching the woman I do love marry someone else. I'm afraid that there is no hope left for me. You will always be the woman who makes my heart glow and Nicole will never make me able to forget you.
I love you, with all my heart and soul.
Adam Cartwright
Letter #3 Cathy to Adam
Dear Adam,
You will never know how happy and yet how sad I was to receive your letter. On one hand I am so happy that you love me. But yet at the same time I grieved to discover that we could not in good conscience call this love affair off.
I cannot tell Nicole what is going on without hurting her and I would never hurt Nicole. She is a very nice, sweet girl, Adam, and I would never want anyone to hurt her. Not me, not you. She loves you very, very much.
I am writing a letter to Britt today to tell him that I am coming home. I will not, can not tell him about us. We will just have to settle it among ourselves. Are you sure that there is no way to chance it? Could it be that our affair is just a fleeting one started when we needed each other here in the east? How are we to be sure that we would not be happy with the ones we have already decided to marry? After all Nicole was good enough for you and Britt was good enough for me before we came East. Why don’t we think over what we have done and what might come of this before we ever see or say ‘I love you’ again?
I know what we have done. The late night, picnics and kisses in the moonlight have made me so confused and unsure of myself and what I want that I’m asking you for a chance to wait and discover what it is that I desire. I think it is you, my darling, and the chance to be a Cartwright. But somewhere, somehow, I think I still love Britt.
Give me a chance to discover myself, Adam. Let me find out what I want to know. To do that, though, we must return back to Britt and Nicole. We must know for sure if this is the right thing that we are doing. Let Nicole know you still love her and then we will talk. Don’t let your emotions run roughshod over your romance. Be open-minded and seek the truth.
I will not say I love you, Adam, even if I do, because I must know for sure first. I must know for sure.
Cathy Charles
Letter #4 Adam to Cathy
Dear Cathy,
I received you letter too late to realize what you had done. I wanted to stop you from going back to Britt. I wanted to convince you why you should stay with me. But by the time you receive this letter you will most likely be home again and you will be reading it in the silence or perhaps the shelter of your own home.
But as I sit down to write this I understand now that maybe you are right. Maybe you did the right thing by leaving me. Perhaps we should discover what our true feelings are for the other. I will go home to Nicole then and treat her as the woman who will become my bride. You are right, my darling, in this. But no, you are no longer my darling, are you? Now you must just be my friend. But promise me one thing. Promise me that if I find I do not love Nicole you will become my wife.
I will not “let my emotions run roughshod over my romance” and I will be openhearted. But let me say just once more I love you. I’ll always love you.
Forever and ever yours,
Adam Cartwright
There were tears in Cathy Charles’ eyes as she got off the stage in Virginia City. To her she was walking into a life that she did not want. But she had promised Britt that she would be his bride and this was not about to change. She managed to hide her tears when she saw Britt standing on the boardwalk next to Little Joe Cartwright. Britt was waving madly to her and smiling broadly. “Cathy, Cathy,” he called happily as she stepped off of the stage. “Darling, I’ve missed you so much.”
“Hello, Britt.” She answered slowly and tried to smile. “I missed you too.”
“What’s wrong, Cathy?” he asked anxiously, taking one of her bags from the driver of the coach.
“Nothing, Britt.” She reassured him and tried to smile again. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”
“Poor, darling.” He took her arm. “It is a long trip to take, isn’t it? Come on, sweetheart. I’ll take you home.”
She submitted without a word. In her heart she was remembering what she had written to Adam. ‘We must not let our emotions run roughshod over our romance.’ “And Britt loves me.” She thought. “Surely I can learn to love him again.”
When the couple arrived at her home Britt waited at the doorstep as she fumbled for a key. When she found it in her handbag she turned to him. “Thank you very much for seeing me home, Britt, and good night.”
“Aren’t you going to ask me in?” Britt asked a little confused.
She shook her head. “No.” she answered. “No, Britt, not today. I’m very tired.”
He smiled at her. “I understand, love.” He replied. Then he handed Cathy her bag and turned to go.
She stood in the doorway watching him for a minute. Then she called after him, “Britt!” He stopped. “Britt, darling, come back!! Come on in, sweetheart. We have things to talk about!” And then he literally ran into her house and shut the door behind him.
It was several days later that Adam decided to return home. Although he had finished his business at the same time as Cathy he had stalled in the East hoping that she would change her mind and decide to marry him after all. But when he learned that she had indeed gone back East to reconnect with her estranged lover, he decided that it was time for him to return as well. Nicole was waiting for him and like Britt she had a wedding planned.
Nicole was waiting for him when his coach pulled into Virginia City. She smiled happily and waved to him as he stepped down from the stage. Just behind her stood Britt and Cathy. “Nicole asked us to come down and meet you.” Britt explained as he took his friend’s bags.
Adam looked over at Cathy. She stood next to Britt dressed in a dark blue dress, her hair tied back with a matching ribbon. Her eyes were shadowed with dark blue eye shadow and she smiled sadly at him.
But Nicole had grabbed his arm and was talking excitedly. “Adam,, I’m so glad you’re business finished when it did.” She led him towards Britt’s carriage. “I was so worried that you would be delayed and I would have to push back the wedding.”
“Delayed, Nicole?” Adam asked softly his eyes roaming from his fiancée to Cathy. “Of course not, Nicole. I would never be delayed for our wedding.”
He could see a tear in Cathy’s eye and he stopped her as Britt and Nicole walked towards the front of the wagon. “Have you thought it over, Cathy?”
She nodded. “Yes, Adam, Yes I have.” She raised her head a little higher and turned her eyes away from him. “I told Britt when I got home.” Her mind flew back to that night.
‘Britt,’ she had started, ‘Britt, are you sure you want to marry me?’
He had stopped for a minute and stared at her. ‘Of course I do, Cathy.’ He had exclaimed. ‘What makes you think I would not?’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’ She had answered trying to laugh the matter off.
But then Britt had seemed worried. ‘Cathy,’ he had taken one of her hands between his. ‘Cathy, did you meet someone else while you were back East?’
‘No, no, Britt. Of course I did not meet anyone else.’ She had answered. ‘No, I did not meet someone else.’ She had tried to smile. ‘And I love you, Britt, I really do.’
‘You did not meet anyone else?’ Britt had asked. ‘Did you know anyone back East?’
She had shaken her head. ‘No I don’t know anyone back there. Why?’
‘You do not know anyone back there and you did not meet someone else.’ Britt had scratched his chin. ‘Then it must have been someone you knew.’
She had closed her eyes and turned her face away from him.
‘But the only person you knew,’ Britt had continued, ‘was Adam, Adam Cartwright! Cathy, don’t tell me you love Adam Cartwright!’
‘All right, Britt.’ She had answered. ‘I won’t tell you.’
‘It was Adam!’ Britt had exclaimed sinking down on the couch. ‘I trusted you two together and you do this while my back is turned. How often were you two together?’ he had demanded.
‘Britt, that’s all behind us!’ she had exclaimed sitting beside him. ‘I still love you, Britt. I’ll still be your wife. If you will have me.’
‘Of course I will have you.’ Britt placed his hand over hers. ‘That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Cathy.’
Cathy snapped out of her reverie to hear Adam say, “What did he say?”
“He was very hurt, Adam.” She answered.
“I suppose he would be.” Adam paused for a moment. “Tell me. What did you do?”
“Do, Adam.” She answered turning her face up towards him. “I married him yesterday.”
For several moments Adam just stared at her. She had promised him that she would ‘think it over.’ So this was the way she though things over. Adam suddenly felt anger in his heart and he almost shouted at her, “How could you do it? How could you marry him when it is me you love? Or don’t you love me, Cathy? Were you just leading me on all along?”
But then Britt came back towards his wife and stared carefully at Adam. “Are you ready to go?” he asked quickly.
Adam nodded, angry thoughts still running through his mind. “Yes, Britt. Yes, I’m ready. Nicole,” he called, “if you want to plan that wedding we can be married as soon as you like.”
When Cathy stood next to Nicole that special day the smile she wore was painted and her husband next to Adam knew that. Britt was watching his wife and the bride. He saw Cathy’s eyes travel to Adam and he winced. There was deep sorrow in her eyes but there was a look too that Britt had never seen before. It was a look of deep and true love. Somewhere deep in his heart Britt knew this would never work. He was about to pull Adam aside and tell him to call off the wedding. But then he looked at Nicole. She was so beautiful in her white lace wedding gown with the red roses. And Britt held his tongue.
The groom, though, he looked miserable. The same sorrow that was in Cathy’s eyes was in Adam’s. Britt could not help noticing how his friend’s eyes traveled to Cathy. Occasionally the two would even lock eyes and the love that was in them burned right through Britt Jordan.
But now the minister was pronouncing them man and wife and Adam took Nicole’s hand in his. The ceremony was over and Adam kissed his bride. But there was no love in it and Nicole could sense that. And she was sad.
It was many months before Nicole was able to learn why Adam was so sad that day. Ever since the wedding her husband had become more and more withdrawn spending more time away from home at his father’s ranch. He had never once shared her bed and Nicole had started to feel like a failure as a wife.
She was spending more and more time crying over her efforts to please her husband. She would make a delicious hot meal for him but by the time that he finally arrived home the food would be cold and he would hardly eat it. Or he would tell her that Hop Sing had fed him before he left the Ponderosa. Nicole bought a lovely lace nightgown to try to be attractive for her husband. But he just took one look at her and told her to get a coat on before she caught cold. And after holding these little things in her Nicole wanted to talk to someone so she paid a visit on her friend, Cathy Jordan.
Cathy was pale and looked very tired as she admitted her friend. “Nicole,” she had exclaimed. “Come in.” then she noticed her friend’s tears. “What’s wrong?”
Nicole entered the house and sat on the couch. Then she poured out her heart, the pain she had been going through with Adam, the days and nights he spent away, the nights he spent on the settee, rather than with her, her feeling of failure and despair.
Cathy sighed. She and Adam had certainly messed up their lives by falling in love so many months ago. But as she listened to her friend she realized how many more lives they had ruined. She had been like Adam once. But then she decided to make her marriage work. And she had. For several months now they had been happy together and Cathy had almost forgotten about Adam. Almost. But now his wife sat here in her home and Cathy knew the time had come to tell Nicole the truth. ‘So it’s to be like this.’ She thought. ‘I must tell my husband and later Adam’s wife.’ But then she sat down beside her friend and began…
When she finished Nicole stared at her in silence. “You two loved each other?” she asked. “But you married Britt!”
“Only to make him happy.” Cathy answered. “And because I felt guilty over taking Adam from you.”
“You felt guilty!” Nicole gasped. “How do you think I felt?”
“Nicole, I’m sorry.” Cathy tried to soothe her friend guilt creeping into her once again.
“Don’t be sorry!” Nicole tried her eyes and stood up. “But do me one kindness, Cathy. Let me speak to your husband alone.”
Cathy shrugged. “Certainly.” She answered. “But why?”
“I think.” Nicole answered, “that our problem can be easily solved.”
Cathy was puzzled by Nicole’s strange attitude but she agreed to her friend’s request. Therefore the next night Britt and Cathy invited Adam and Nicole over for supper. Neither Britt nor Adam understood what their wives were up to. Adam seemed not to care too much though. He looked troubled and Cathy wondered why. Was he perhaps feeling bad over the way he had treated Nicole or did a spark still burn in his heart for her?
Near the end of supper Nicole stood up and looked over at Britt. “Can I talk to you?” she asked. “In private?”
Britt smiled. Now he was to find out why his wife’s friend was being so mysterious. He nodded and led her into the kitchen taking care to leave the door slightly open. Cathy and Adam sat alone at the table. He almost spoke to her on a number of occasions but decided against it and held his tongue. So the two sat in silence perhaps wondering what their spouses were doing behind the partly closed kitchen door. It was only about five minutes, but to Cathy and Adam it seemed longer, before Britt and Nicole walked out. They were smiling and Adam and Cathy rose to greet them.
“Adam,” Nicole started, “Cathy told me how you and she had fallen in love when you went back East.”
Adam looked over startled at Cathy. Then he became slightly defensive. “And?” he challenged. Cathy wondered what kind of challenge that was. Was it anger that she had told his wife? Or was it perhaps something different?
“And nothing,” Britt spoke up. “Nicole and I fell into that same trap. We too fell in love but decided to break up. I still loved Cathy and I did not want to hurt her.”
“Hurt me!” Cathy gasped unable to grasp what she had just heard. “When I told you that Adam and I had fallen in love you were so hurt.”
“I think I was surprised.” Britt answered. “I had just written a letter to Nicole telling her how we had to break up,” he silently handed her a letter, “then you promised to marry me and I was sure it was over between Adam and you.”
“Can I read it?” Cathy asked looking from her husband to Nicole.
They both nodded. “Read it aloud, Cathy.” Britt asked her gently. “I want Adam to hear it too.”
Cathy unfolded the letter and began, “Letter #5 To Nicole
My dearest Nicole,
I write this letter to tell you that Cathy is returning home. She wrote me earlier to say that she has finished her business and is coming back. She spoke of our wedding and how happy she was. But somewhere deep down inside I sensed an unhappiness and I am afraid that she is no longer pleased with the thought of a wedding.
I don’t know how to tell her that I no longer have any love for her. When she left I loved her. I asked Adam Cartwright to take her East. After all you and he were engaged and Adam was your fiancé. But then, Nicole, this happened. Do you remember what Cathy said when she left? She laughed, her gay, happy laugh, and told you, “I trust you to take care of Britt, Nicole.”
What would she say if she knew how well you had taken care of me? Would she be upset to know about the moonlight walks, the kisses by the lake? I think she would and now I feel guilty for doing it. I feel as though I had cheated on her. She is so young, so beautiful and she trusted me. But now…now I have caused both myself and her a grief that neither of us will ever forget.
When she returns, Nicole, I plan to marry her if she will still have me. I am sorry that this had to happen to us. I am sorry if I stole your heart only to have to break it, but I promised Cathy I would marry her. And I think maybe I might be able to love her again.
I will never forget the days we spent together and I do wish that it could be forever. But, alas, you and I discovered ourselves and our love too late. Now all we can do is long for each other and let each other go. Return to Adam, Nicole and make him a good wife.
I’ll always love you.
Britt Jordan
A little tear glistened in the corner of Cathy’s eye as she refolded the letter and handed it back to her husband.
“You were willing to give Nicole up for Cathy?” Adam asked.
Britt nodded.
“And you, Nicole?” Cathy asked. “Could you give Adam up for Britt?”
Nicole nodded and handed her husband a similar letter. “I responded to Britt’s letter.” She answered. “Read it, Adam.”
Adam looked at her for a moment before taking it. Then he took the letter from the envelope. The scent of Nicole’s perfume was still strong upon its sheet. Then he started to read, “Letter #6To Britt
My darling Britt,
I cannot tell you just how sad your last letter made me. And yet I know the feeling of guilt that you are experiencing for I myself am on the same emotional ride. Don’t get me wrong I love Adam Cartwright every much but somehow this time that Adam and I have been separated and I have been with you I find myself loving you more.
If you do not know how to tell Cathy that you can no longer marry her how do you think I feel? After all it is Adam’s ring that I have in my jewelry box. How do I tell someone so kind to me that I do not love him? I cannot, Britt, I cannot. But life must go on and I understand what this means to all four of us. To give you up, my darling, is the greatest sacrifice I will ever have to make. But for Adam’s happiness I will do anything. Yes, even say good-bye to our love.
I admire you for still wanting to marry Cathy despite the fact that we hold each others heart. But, Britt, think about forever! Will we be happy? Will we see each other through life and think wistfully that perhaps we made a mistake in not telling Cathy and Adam the truth? Let us consider that before we truly decide to break up.
Forever yours,
Nicole Andrews”
Britt carefully replaced the letter and returned to his wife. “Well, we certainly made a mess of our lives.” He exclaimed running a hand through his dark hair.
“Adam,” Nicole started cautiously, “I’m willing to let you go back to Cathy.”
“And what would you do?” Adam asked. “Go back to Britt?”
“Perhaps.” She smiled. “If he would still have me and if Cathy is willing.”
“What about me?” Adam demanded. “Don’t I count?”
“Adam,” she answered softly, “Even though you have not been much of a husband I love you deeply and I want you to be happy. And if that happiness means being with Cathy I’ll let you go.”
Adam caught his wife’s hand is his. “Let me tell you something, Nicole.” He looked deeply into her eyes. “I have not been much of a husband, it is true, because I realized how much I really loved you. I felt guilty because I had not been true to you and I did not know how to tell you.”
Britt looked over at Nicole. Her eyes were dancing as she watched Adam. Then he felt a hand on his arm and turned to look at his wife standing there her eyes searching his face for the same answer that Nicole found in Adam’s. He finally tore his gaze away form his wife to ask, “So have we decided what we are going to do with the lives we messed up so badly?”
Adam turned to his friend. “Messed up so badly.” He repeated. “I don’t think we messed up so badly. Do you, Nicole?”
Her eyes never left his face as she answered, “No. No we did not make a mistake.”
“It’s settled then.” Adam smiled and looked deep into his wife’s eyes. “I love my wife. I love her soft voice and the sparkle in her eyes. I will stay with Nicole.”
“And I,” Nicole smiled tearing her gaze away long enough to look at her friend’s. “I love Adam’s courage and honesty. I will stay with my husband.”
“What about us?” Britt inquired. “Cathy and I fell in love with you two you know.”
Adam dropped his hands from his wife’s. “I would never think of hurting Cathy.” He said turning to his friend. “What do you say, Britt?”
Britt smiled. “I will stay with my wife.” He answered. “I love her smile and her gentle manner. I stay with Cathy.”
Adam, Nicole, and Britt looked at Cathy. Her face was between her hands as though she was crying. Then she looked up and they could see a bright smile on her face. “You needn’t worry about me.” She assured them. “I am SO glad you decided this way. You see, I’ve known for a while now that I would decide to stay with my husband. I love him and his child that I carry now.”
Britt stared at his wife for a moment before taking her in his arms. At the same time Adam wrapped his arms around his wife and drew her towards him. Nicole would never feel like a failure again. And the two couples were happy.
